They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
