Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
