Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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