here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
