I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
