What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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