I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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