I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
