I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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