idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
