wakey wakey hands off snakey
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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