i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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