I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
