planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
