well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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