Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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