The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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