Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
