Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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