Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
