it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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