Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
