so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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