Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
