ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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