So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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