We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
