I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
