Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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