If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I just sharted jello shots
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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