Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
