I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
