there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
