Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
