no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
