Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
