i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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