i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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