So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
