my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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