you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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