I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
