I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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