I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
