she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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