you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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