I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she told me i tasted like america
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
