I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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