Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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