Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This toilet bowl is my home.
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