and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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